you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize