I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
My penis needs a shock collar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize