You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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