You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
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Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
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There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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