she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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