Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize