I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
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Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
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Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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