You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize