i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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