I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize