I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize