all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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