You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize