And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
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all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
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My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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