Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
accomplished twins. life is a go
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize