All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
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His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
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I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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