A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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