I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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