I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
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She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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