Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
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Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
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I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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