Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
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She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
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I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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