Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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