It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
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I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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