I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
My vagina is very pro this idea
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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