i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
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I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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