When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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