Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You need a sexual gate keeper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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