he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
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He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
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And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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