Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
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I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
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fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
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