but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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