Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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