I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
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