So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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