you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
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Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
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I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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