Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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