i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
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