this boner is exhausting
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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