I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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