Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
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Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
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Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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