Acid is not a monday night drug
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize