i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize