why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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