apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
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