Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
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i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
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Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize