For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
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I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
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I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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