I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
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I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
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