So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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