i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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