I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
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He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
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New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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