They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
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Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
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So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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